she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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