Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
