saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
