Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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