He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just found a bag of teeth...
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
