they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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