i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
