I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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