if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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