aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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