My nipple is on Facebook.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
