we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
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then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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