it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
