i would punch a child for taco bell
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
