I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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