Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
