I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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