Sorry, I don't speak sober.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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