dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
