The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I will pee on everything he values.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Send help, water and tortillas.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
