I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
