I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
