so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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