I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
