Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
