Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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