Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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