i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
