We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize