hotel room ftw
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
