two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
