Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
