Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
