I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
