end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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