he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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