no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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