I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
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