i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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