Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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