Your dad touched me again.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just want to make out with him forever
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
