apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
