why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
