the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I checked into jail on foursquare
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We need to feng shui this bitch.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
