That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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