its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
