i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
