My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
