There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
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You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
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A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize