Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
