I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
