Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
