So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
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