Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
