My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
You pole danced in your parka.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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