I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
