He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
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I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
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The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
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