You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
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