I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
