I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize