Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
