I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
