Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
