so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
