Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
We're not piercing ourselves today.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
