I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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